My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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