Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
