hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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