I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize