The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize