Texts From Last Night

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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.

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  (303): I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is. http://tfl.nu/uj2o
  Replies (14) Good night (3688) Bad night (749)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.

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  (248): thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer. http://tfl.nu/nnju
  Replies (59) Good night (1347) Bad night (6472)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg

  (1-973): View more from New Jersey

  gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars

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  (973): this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg (1-973): gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something? (973): yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars http://tfl.nu/7tyz
  Replies (18) Good night (1612) Bad night (5722)
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  (914): View more from New York

  we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.

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  (914): we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was. http://tfl.nu/57fr
  Replies (27) Good night (6128) Bad night (1701)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  thanks for singing to me while i puked last night

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  (484): thanks for singing to me while i puked last night http://tfl.nu/ey2e
  Replies (9) Good night (5564) Bad night (979)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"

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  (603): i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword" http://tfl.nu/1vn8
  Replies (16) Good night (1399) Bad night (5882)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.

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  (401): You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions. http://tfl.nu/pgpr
  Replies (16) Good night (5968) Bad night (1069)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.

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  (218): You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate. http://tfl.nu/a3k9
  Replies (18) Good night (4207) Bad night (779)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.

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  (412): I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass. http://tfl.nu/ocdo
  Replies (7) Good night (867) Bad night (669)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?

  (406): View more from Montana

  Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.

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  (239): Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ? (406): Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time. http://tfl.nu/y05k
  Replies (6) Good night (1462) Bad night (417)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up

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  (914): Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up http://tfl.nu/yx6y
  Replies (4) Good night (956) Bad night (313)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.

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  (612): I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk. http://tfl.nu/mura
  Replies (0) Good night (520) Bad night (277)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime

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  (+61): We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime http://tfl.nu/tsil
  Replies (1) Good night (528) Bad night (417)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...

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  (510): I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night... http://tfl.nu/bk6r
  Replies (1) Good night (461) Bad night (279)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life

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  (914): nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life http://tfl.nu/b2dk
  Replies (1) Good night (495) Bad night (212)

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