if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.