i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The beer is more important than you right now.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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