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And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Is it because I queefed?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
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