i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
this will be a night to untag.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
I love us.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.