Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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