Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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