Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
