tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
