I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
