he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
How naked do you want me to be?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
