At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize