She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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