I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
