i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize