We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
