Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
