Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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