I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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