i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
