Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
