she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
