from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
