my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
3 2 1 whiskey
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
