friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
