I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
