scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Sext me about skeletons
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