only if we run a train.
done.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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