i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
