she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
