I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
