I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Randomize
