It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I supernannyed him into submission
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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