Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My hand turned me down
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
