We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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