Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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