mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
