It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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