No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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