Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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