the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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