**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just found puke in my bra..
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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