I haven't been this sober since birth.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
