Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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