what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
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I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
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No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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