Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Watching her eat just hurts me
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
