a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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