i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
