if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
