I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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