that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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