Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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