I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just googled if crying burns calories
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Randomize
