i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
