i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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