I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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