Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It's never too late to be topless.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
