What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
