you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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